While gay men are much better than straight couples when it comes to disregarding the age gap between partners, there are still some challenges that come with dating someone who’s 15+ years older or younger than you are. The key here is focusing less on the actual age of your partner, but rather, focusing on what stage both of you are in your lives. If both of you are still party goers who enjoy going out drinking and dancing, then odds are, you’ll be fine. But if one of you is more of a homebody and is over that scene, it’s going to be difficult. Similarly, if one of you is in college, and the other one is the CEO of a company, you both are at two very different stages of your life. If it’s a daddy/baby dynamic, that’s completely fine, and your relationship can work out. But if you’re trying to share a life together, it will be tough when you’re both doing different things, and have different priorities. So focus less on age and more on where you are/what you’re doing in your life. Remember, age is just a number.
6. You have different interests
There’s nothing wrong with having different interests. Let’s say one of you is more of a geeky gamer and the other one of you is more of a nightlife, party animal. It just means that your partner will engage in those interests with his other friends, and you’ll do your thing with your friends. This is good! You want to have some social circles that don’t overlap completely.
7. You have different values
In my opinion, this is a dealbreaker. You can come from different backgrounds, be of different races, religions, genders, sexual orientations, socio-economic statuses, and even planets, and the relationship can absolutely work out. But if you value different things (especially in this political climate), you should not date this person. You need to date someone who views the world the same way as you, and values the same things about humanity and relationships that you do.
8. There are financial differences
If your relationship is a sugar daddy/sugar baby dynamic, then there’s no problem. You two have both agreed on that dynamic. The wealthier man spoils the baby. But if you want to have relatively equal finances, and that’s important to you, then the one with less money should pay for the less expensive things, like when you both get coffee or see a movie. The wealthier one should pay for the more expensive dates, like plane tickets, fancy dinner, etc. This way, you both are contributing financially to the relationship, but neither of you contributing outside of your monetary means.
If one of you wants to be in an open relationship and the other one wants to be monogamous, on the surface, this seems like a clear deal breaker. Often times, it is. But other times, it’s something that simply takes time. I know many men who were closed in their relationship in the beginning, but after a few months (or years), decided to open it up once they had a strong foundation and trusted each other completely. So perhaps discuss being closed now, but be open to the idea of opening up your relationship further down the line. At the same, if you know you’re a strictly monogamous or polyamorous person, then you need to stick to your guns. You cannot (and should not) date this man.
10. You’re the jealous type and he’s flirty
If you have a green-eyed monster living deep in your gut, this can become problematic. The gay community is so small that you will inevitably run into your partner’s exes. Additionally, many gay men are very flirty and touchy. We kiss on the lips to say hello. We grab butt cheeks. All that jazz. If this is something that bothers you immensely, you need to first look inward. What are your fears? What are you insecurities? Are you worried he’ll cheat on you? Are you worried he’ll leave you for someone else? What is it about this that bothers you? It could be you don’t trust him. You know he’s cheated on past guys and don’t want him to cheat on you. Whatever the reason is, discuss it with him. Be open about your insecurities or your lack of trust, and see what you two, together, can come up with in order to make you feel more secure in your relationship.